Birthday Blahz

Today is my birthday.  Well, honestly about midnight last night was the anniversary of my birth.  I am #8 of 8.  I am the only girl.  I was born on a Friday the 13 at midnight.  My mother and the nurse delivered me.   (like she was not a pro by then)  and Dad was thrilled that he finally got to give me his name.    I was kissed by the angels. (my birth mark is lips on my right shin) and I don't believe I was ever put down until I was 2 years old. 
      I love that sto's meals Friday and Saturday.  Then the kids are over for Sunday am Mom's Birthday Breakfast Bash!!   (I love that day).    I just want to go sit in a closet and be alone.

I imagine this is one of the steps of grief.      I mourned dad before he actually passed.  He was suffering from Alzheimers and we knew that time was drawing near.   I believe God let me know I needed to be prepared.  I cried, got angry - why such a wonderful man had to go through such a horrible disease!  I felt sad for me for a day or so, and I went into control freak mode when he actually passed.  (sorry to my brothers and family that had to deal with my A personality). 
     Step, step, step.

But  - today...     I was not ready for this step.   Real emptiness. 
 The "knowing" that we can't just go see him sitting on the porch. 

He is with his Lord.  He is happy.  He is whole!!    I know this and it gives me peace and comfort that you just can not imagine until you experience it.
    - But, I just miss him.

I can't say more right now. 

Love you dad, baby Girl.

A night of reflection...

As I sit in Hospice with my father I cannot even begin to measure the joy and blessings being this man's daughter has given me.

He is a strong, mild, wise and kind man who shaped me into a woman who can "do anything a man can do, just prettier - and in high heels".   He never made me feel as if I was for one moment a disappointment.  A failure was a moment to see how we can make it right and do it better.   He taught me work is a blessing, and blessings should never be taken for granted.   He taught me unselfish love for everyone.   EVERYONE.  He would, and has, literally given the shirt off his back to people. 
.... And God Blessed.

He prized his family above all.  He was home for breakfast, lunch and dinner with his family pretty much every day of his life.   He and mom had a bond and friendship that was uncanny.  His Irish wit kept her on her toes, and his ornery side kept him flirting with her up until he could not speak.   One of the last things he said was that he loved her.   That's my dad.   Unselfish to a fault.  Always looking for opportunity to love his family. 

As I sit with him now, watching him, praying over him, I see still this strong man.   My superhero who could make every pain go away, make me smile with just a glimmer in his eye.   Holding his hand, I still feel such strength and recall all the times those hands patted my hair and let me know I was his precious treasure, his Baby Girl. 

I will miss his eyes that sparkle with such mischief.  His constant singing or whistling while we did, some little thing in the garage, just to keep his hands busy.   His eyes that told every mood, every emotion every thought. 

I know I got a special gift.   My name was chosen by my parents before they ever had boy 1.   Then mom made dad wait 21 years before he got to give it to me.   I think that is my best birthday present ever.   I will always be and always have been Donna Devine.   Daughter of  Donald Devine, Father, Husband, Grandfather, Teacher.. and the influence to the story of my life.

What is this "Diva" title?

What is this "Diva" title?

I get a couple of different reactions when I tell people my nick name.   Diva - the name Donna Devine literally means Prima Dona which means Diva.    Do I know that when my dad chose my name this was his intention.  No, but it was predestined.  I do believe that.   Diva does not mean I get things my way, and if my caramel mocha latte has too much foam I am going to toss it in your face.  NO!

 It means I am confident in myself.  It means I am not afraid to express my thoughts in a direct manner.   It means I LOVE people and want to build life so that others can live.   It means I hold myself to a responsibility to look my best (and am always working on that).
 It means I am STRONG, even when I am weak.

But what is true strength in a Diva.. 
True strength is knowing I am only as strong as the ones I surround myself with.  True strength is constantly building up the people around me.   True strength is holding my tongue instead of using it to cut and destroy.    Today there are so many ways to tear down people.   Social Media has become a tool of violence in the wrong hands.   So,  let this be said.  My NOTES FROM THE DIVA, are here to uplift and encourage.  My daily struggles, my victories, my faith and my work will permeate these blogs.  Hopefully with humor and insight. 
SO
  - grab a chair and read on ... there are some past tales posted, and many more to come.
~Diva~