Another day in Dream Land

Awake at 6!  Well if you can call it awake.   But the Angel Fish (aka daughter unit), has a new lease on life.

She wants to be at class early - AGAIN, and is determined that her college assignment will be chosen by the professor to be put on display in the Art Institute hall.

 My Angel loves me.   She said yesterday she says "I love you more to me than to anyone in the world."    I do her as well.  She is my sounding board.  We talk and giggle about everything.  I never imagined that a daughter would be like this.  It is more filling than i could imagine.   She has had her time of pain in life.  She has had some sad that a little dumpling shouldn't feel.  She has few close family or friends. She is selective of who she lets close, and rejects people at the first sign of inconsistency.  She has been quite shy her whole life, and had a very low expectation of her abilities.   So, this burst of drive has been... enjoyable (even if at 6am)  but today!!!

On the way in, she started sharing,....
.. (oh she talks just like me).. Mom, its just incredible the people who just sit there and don't try.  They don't care.  They sit back and wait for things.    I have seen you go through so much, and you don't quit.  You have to get  up and do it again.  There is not and option for Fail, only DO.. Do it again, Do it Better, Do it Right!

My face was going to explode from smiling.    Then on the quiet ride back to work I realized, SHE LISTENS, AND WATCHES!    She has got it!   More of her less of me...   YES!

I didn't do the majority of the life lesson ride in that day - SHE did it.
She understands the joy in true study, application and success.  Her Success.
She understands the importance of helping others, but not at the risk of everything,
She understands Love, let your Faith show.  They will ask.  You get to share, gently.


It has been a fight for myself for the past few years.   My struggles, my failures, my re-do's.  
    But her, she is on her way.  My little fishy has sprouted wings.
        I can say through tear filled eyes I will love to see her soar.

Just don't like the idea of her soaring off to Seattle.. ugh,  why can't she dream to work for Disney instead of a Gamer Co.  (heehee)

Diva

A day an night and a good cry.

Date :  A very cold day in November.

I had quite a day of hurt today.  I don't like whining, but I have a bit of body pain.   Today the cold is so harsh today that my bones are breaking inside my body.   I know it is how I am made, and it is one of the wonders as to why God made me this way, but I don't like it.  Not one bit today.
I have made 2 big pots of my favorite soups,  Chili and French Onion, of which I got one bowl of each... I made 20 servings.

This brought up a great point in my house.  I cook less and less, why..
1.  I despise my kitchen.. it is a 9' section of nothing.  I have no space and it is frustrating having every one on top of me as I try to do things.
2.  Food is not appreciated, just devoured.
3.  I get little to none of it.
4.  I don't do the grocery shopping.  So my creativity is at a loss.

And then the words came out..   I was harsh when I found my egg salad, enough for 8 sandwiches.. ALL GONE.. I got one.     I expressed my disapproval to the crowd in the living room.  My response was from the eldest son, a quite ungrateful boy.  Wahh wah wah.  This from a child who has no job, no responsibility and far to many items in his life that give him vanity.  He hurt me.  He knew my pain today and had heard the issues before in the day of all my treats disappearing.  He ate my favorite barbecue chips earlier.   I began to cry...

I don't like crying..  I have high blood pressure, and have a hard time when I start.. I overindulge.  How many times have I overindulged.  But do I hate above all the emotional indulgence.

Well.. after a chat and a friends advise.. here the story lies.
But most of all.. here it will lie...until the book... :)

All will be well,  All will find their peace.  It has to.
The food, I can make again, but the moments... that is what I can never get back.